Relationships


Don't get confused between my personality & my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.This little gem (minus the No symbol) has popped up on my Facebook feed several times lately. Oddly, I’ve only seen it posted by my conservative Christian friends, and it tends to get many Likes. Every time I see it I want to say, “Really? You’re that proud of the hold others have on you?”

So I decided to add the No symbol and explain why I’m not a fan of this “wisdom.” To me, since Christians should know better, it says something about the absence of serious spiritual training in many churches today. We’re taught to keep a single-minded focus on the cross and forgiveness.

We are not taught how to gradually take back freedom from sin’s control over daily living. In fact, a very popular teaching is that it’s impossible to do, which is why you need constant forgiveness. Apparently, it’s the only definition of victory they know.

So, (1) this saying is just a long-standing habit common to man. It’s the old way, the “world’s way,” and nothing has seized us but what’s common to man. Personally, I’d prefer to overcome common habits so they don’t eat me alive or keep me stuck with a snippy, blind, complaining spirit that sees nothing but wrongness everywhere I turn.

Jesus offers better alternatives for our blessedness and well-being, and I want to practice all of them. He assures us that habits can be broken. This is one of them. As Paul observed, it’s a matter of putting off the old self and putting on the new, one habit at a time.

(2) On the surface, I can see how this might make someone feel powerful by putting others on “notice.” It’s a kind of warning with a touch of smug superiority thrown in. “As long as you’re not a jerk, I won’t go off on you.” Conversely, if I go off, you’re the problem, not me.

But in reality, this puts others in control and, effectively, makes me their bitch. Owned.

I doubt that Christians realize how this thinking shoots them in the spiritual foot, keeping them insecure with little sense of power. But when you feel powerless, all you have to rely on is a life-style of little threats, which only bring little (or big) threats in return. Then you wonder where all the blessedness is, perhaps concluding that it only comes after you die.

The great power of Christianity is its offer of steady escape and freedom. When Scripture talks about ransoming slaves, setting captives free, or freedom in Christ, it’s talking about this very sort of thing. It offers divine guidance and modeling, and puts you squarely in control of your attitude and reactions. As we “grab hold” of new, transforming life, it also offers grace when we stumble from time to time over old, dying habits.

(3) Perhaps the greatest mark of well-practiced Christ-followers (to which I aspire) is that their behavior, will, and attitude/spirit/heart have nothing to do with what others do or say. All the NT writers made self-control fairly obvious. And they didn’t have any advantage that we don’t have, including Christ’s personal presence and teaching.

Don’t return insult for insult. Bless those who curse you. Love your enemies, because if you love only your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Let your Yes be yes and your No be no. Etcetera.

That’s power. It simply isn’t vulnerable to the whims of others. So I don’t want people dictating my reactions, thank you very much. Who wants to be dragged all over the place by other people’s randomness?

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????????????????????????????Well, I’ve been flying under the radar for longer than the few weeks I predicted when I last wrote in July. But I have a great excuse. My daughter and fiancé moved their wedding date up to Oct. 19 (yes, this year), so she’s now a Mrs. and I’m blessed with a new son-in-law!

Needless to say, this induced a full-time scramble to shape tons of details into something elegant, fun, and unique for a hundred guests. Miraculously, we found a lovely venue that was available with an unbeatably-priced package.

A friend and I made the centerpieces and bouquets and did all the decorating with help from family. The invitations, cake, DJ, photography, videography, flower girls’ dresses, and I-don’t-remember-what-else were offered affordably by other friends. Through everyone’s time and generosity, we pulled off a fairy-tale wedding—complete with a horse and carriage—in just three months.

Our purple and orange Victorian-ish affair sparkled with crystal garland, antique silver, lace and pearls, tall floral centerpieces, and a stunning gown fit for any princess who also happens to love motorcycles. And her dashing prince, whom she met on Christian Mingle, and who loves fishing, happens to ride a Harley.

Me arranging the Harley vaseSo as a tribute, we tucked among the flowers of each glowing centerpiece a tiny Christian fish charm dangling from miniature fishing poles. On an old silver platter from a historic home, we parked a little Matchbox Harley beside a tiny, crystal, horse-drawn carriage. In addition to dancing, a guest photo area with silly wigs and props was a big hit, especially after a few rounds of champagne. Elegant. Fun. Totally unique!

And what is your point, Wilson? Well, I had a few reasons to waste those months all stressed out, but I didn’t. I confess that my initial reaction was panicked delight. Out-of-town family would have to sleep on couches and air mattresses; and I’d have to somehow make room for a growing collection of flowers, ribbon, vases, and such.

Moreover, my husband is a Federal worker and our income had already taken a hit from the sequester furloughs. The government eventually shut down completely until just days before the Big Day.

Really? A wedding? Now?

I write often about exercising our God-given will and freedom to choose. I had a choice. I could easily have turned it into a “this-is-just-a-big-expensive-pain-in-the-butt” thing. But I have only one daughter and one shot at a first wedding, which I knew would be over in a flash. I refused to be robbed, left with nothing but a sour memory.

Christian fish on a fishing poleSo we rolled with it and had fun in organized chaos. I invited God into the planning. And it may sound strange, but I think He had fun, too. (Is He not the ultimate wedding planner?)

There were a few glitches and not everything came off perfectly. But I think—I hope—I did a decent job of not becoming Mom-zilla, imposing all my ideas and getting huffy when some were rejected. Love isn’t easily offended, doesn’t insist on having its way, and doesn’t have to try real hard to find joy.

So I’ve been off the grid, but accomplished a lot since I last wrote. I did read the books I wanted to. I did rest and relax with no agenda on our lake get-away. Good thing, too! My house filled with family we hadn’t seen in years and I got to be part of something amazing. Now I have a dear son-in-law, a grin that won’t quit, and feet that are still numb (no lie!) because it had been so long since I last wore high heels. Who could complain?

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For readers local to Northern Virginia, I recommend Virginia Oaks Golf Club as the best-kept secret in the area for weddings. I’ve never experienced such stellar customer service! Virginia Oaks Golf Club

Also, a huge shout-out to Harmon’s Carriages. Thank you for the magic, and on such short notice. carriage[1]

Lastly, to our daughter’s wonderful new parents-in-law, thank you for the rehearsal dinner and killer honeymoon you provided. What a blessing you’ve been and continue to be!

Gift box

Gift box (Photo credit: sparkieblues)

I think Christians agree that grace is a free gift from God. But they argue over how it relates to faith, behavior, and redemption.

In the Christian circles I come from, I think we need a functional definition of faith. And the best I’ve ever heard came from a wise, old pastor. “To have faith means to act as if something were true.”

I board an airline flight because I have faith that it’ll get me where I want to go. I refrain from jumping off a bridge because I have faith that gravity will turn me into a gelatinous blob when I hit the ground.

One day, I decided to test this definition. I went to my Scripture search engine, entered the words “faith is,” selected the New Testament and NIV Bible, and specified only what Paul wrote containing that phrase. I figured I’d get plenty starting with just that, and sure enough, I got six pages of verses.

Scanning through them, I mentally substituted the word “faith” with “acting as if Christ (or what he says to do) is true.” Ding, ding, ding—the clarity it brought was amazing! Hebrews 11 is an entire chapter on faith and action. And this didn’t even count the other NT writers.

The great thing about authentic Christian faith is that it isn’t blind, irrational, reckless, or a blank. It’s confident and certain. Faith always acts (even if restraint is the action) and is always “creditable” as right for this reason.

Yet somehow, over centuries of drift, and particularly the last 350 years or so, a “saving faith” in Christ has come to mean the opposite: inaction. Modern evangelical leaders and churches teach that human action in their own redemption process is sinful, not righteous. “Works!” they cry, as if warning of a plague; as if faith excludes effort and obedience; as if workers are too many rather than too few.

Grace Unwrapped

So we need to define grace, too. Like faith, it’s also action. For example, God’s grace is His continual action in my life and the lives of countless others throughout history. My grace is my action in the lives of others. So, for Christians, grace is the basis of interactive relationship with both God and neighbors.

Also like faith, grace doesn’t exclude effort; it excludes earning. God’s grace is a free gift because no one can earn it. But it doesn’t cancel obedience. It empowers and amplifies it. If grace were money, it would function like any other grant, precisely to enable work, not kill it. This is hardly surprising from a God who not only created us to do good works, but prepared them in advance for us to do (Eph. 2:10).

Yet for many people, to “accept” God’s grace means to merely carry it around like a package all wrapped in ribbon. They never open it or study its contents. To me, this explains the passive, empty faith so prevalent in sincere, but confused and powerless Christians.

How much better to open the gift and use it! It’s like finding a map, a flashlight, and instructions, along with an invitation and a coupon for unlimited consultation with Christ on how life works and how to live it to the max. For “life to the full,” as he put it, is the best definition of redemption there is.

In this light, his Great Commission makes more sense: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Mat. 28:19-20) Once you understand faith and grace as action—God’s and yours—the phrase “faith alone in Christ alone” engages like warp engines on the Enterprise. And you can move mountains.

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I’m taking the next few weeks off from writing. As vital as action-oriented faith is, it’s equally important to rest. So I want to re-charge, something else Jesus says to do and which, I must confess, he practiced more faithfully than I do.

The family lake vacation is coming in early August and my oldest son and his girlfriend will be joining us from out of state. My daughter’s fiancé (he just popped the question this past weekend…EEEEEE!) will join us for the first time, too. Plus, two books I got for Christmas—Heaven is for Real and Spirit of the Disciplines—are collecting dust, still unread. So I can’t wait to relax and celebrate, catch up and have no agenda. It’s good for the soul.

English: Speech balloons. Question and Answer....I think people hear God more than they realize, but for various reasons, don’t recognize Him. They assume it’s just their own stream of consciousness, or that they’re crazy, or worse, possessed by Satan. Hectic life-styles can also drown out the voice of God.

Lack of interaction is just one more way to be robbed of our inheritance. So let’s examine the two most common views, centuries old, that persist today in rendering God’s voice unrecognizable.

1. The Impersonal God

God currently communicates only through His written Word, or, alternatively, through the clergy/church. God doesn’t speak directly to ordinary people.

It’s been said that Christians have a better relationship with their Bibles than they do with the Author. For all the talk of walking closely with God, many treat “extra-biblical” communication like extra-marital affairs: both are “whispers of the devil.”

It’s amazing how much personal distance is actually infused in Christian culture. God dwells somewhere in outer space. His kingdom is strictly future. He can’t stand to be in the presence of sin(ners), as if sin is the Almighty’s kryptonite. Church leadership often states that, because God is so pure, we can’t relate to Him.

Half-truths pick our pockets every day.

The Good News is the opposite. God relates to sinners even in their sinful state. Unlike elite-minded religious experts of his day, Jesus walked among sinners, dined and spoke with them, even touched them without holding his nose. The very name Immanuel means God-with-man.

Relationship involves communication, interaction, and recognition. Isn’t their absence the definition of no relationship? God wants to be sought and delights in being known. Like a Bluetooth device, He’s discoverable and forms a direct, ongoing connection.

If invited, God is the still, small voice in your “house,” i.e., you. It’s internal, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and as clearly heard as anyone living in your regular house. According to Jesus, “If anyone loves me…my Father will love him, and we will make our home with him.” (Jhn. 14:23)

Also, “What I whisper in your ear, proclaim from the rooftops.” (Mat. 10:27) “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (Jhn. 10:27) “I in them and [God] in me…I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known… that I myself may be in them.” (Jhn. 17:23, 26) The Holy Spirit is Jesus’ continuing presence and voice.

There’s no reason to assume that God, like Elvis, has left the building and bequeathed to us only stone tablets, holy manuscripts, or certain spokespeople. We have those, plus prayer and direct access. So God’s voice isn’t “just imagination.” But neither is it on-demand, which brings us to…

2. The Nanny God

God currently speaks to the heart, but if you don’t hear Him every day, your faith must be weak.

This hand-holding God is either angered or worried by all we do. Rather than teach us trustworthy rulership, He seizes our will and does our thinking for us even in the most trivial matters. I suppose it stems from the crippling belief that people are incapable of ever making decisions without sinning. We’re no-good sinners and will always be no-good sinners in this life.

More pick-pocketing.

First, I think Christians confuse “conviction of the Holy Spirit” with condemnation of the Holy Spirit. But if the voice is condemning, it’s the Accuser. The Holy Spirit is your Advocate and Comforter, not your blamer. And shame/humiliation shouldn’t be confused with humility.

Conviction of the Holy Spirit is better understood as convincing of truth and good will, a welcoming call and sense of place with God. There’s no condemnation, neither giving nor receiving it, for those in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1) because the priority is to love God, self, and neighbor.

Second, if my grown kids still need me to tell them how to get dressed, brush their teeth, and which bus to get on each day, I’ve done something wrong (assuming no medical impairment). We teach and expect our kids to grow into wise, capable people of sound judgment and good character, so isn’t God at least as competent as we are?

Why do we assume He’s pleased with daily questions about what to do and what color shirt to wear? That’s a fairly distorted view of surrender.

Obviously, we want God involved in life’s decisions. But to be paralyzed if He doesn’t dictate all of them, including who to marry, what career to pursue, or whether to buy that house or not, isn’t what He wants.

We need instruction, but the idea is to “graduate” as we go along. God has already revealed His will that we learn to rule and serve appropriately, so He doesn’t speak as frequently as some might claim. In fact, He periodically lets go just as any parent lets go of a toddler’s hand so she can take a few steps on her own. It’s an empowering act of love, not abandonment, called “testing.”

I know that if we ask, seek, and knock through prayer and careful consideration, God may very well have something to say, whether through the Bible, a spokesperson, or directly. But if He doesn’t speak within maybe a week (depending on the situation), don’t panic. That’s a good sign! The more trustworthy the servant, the more God gives.

So, in those times, walk in faith. Thank Him for the practice opportunity, and make your best choices in whatever you face. Afterwards, you’ll likely hear either “Well done!” or “What did you learn?” Either way, I believe you’ll be much richer.

Refresh Symbol - Full CircleWhy did Jesus focus on love for God, self, and neighbor? Why all the practice in living well? Because we’re born to rule and serve creation with God. That’s why salvation isn’t just about forgiveness, but about new life, learning to rule without causing harm. And to prepare, we need divine leadership—the Shepherd, Teacher, and Provider.

That said, let me share three life-changing observations:

The Future (Vision)

I used to see God’s kingdom as strictly future-oriented. But what if this is only partially true? What if the whole truth is that God’s kingdom on Earth is in process now, not yet full, but well underway since Jesus announced its presence among us?

Several years ago, I was reading a retirement-panning article that mentioned setting aside an inheritance. I suddenly wondered why we always associate inheritance with death. Why don’t we ever associate it with living, something you get when you’re born? Don’t we inherit personal traits, living arrangements, and social/financial circumstances at birth?

A light bulb went off—that’s what Jesus meant! The kingdom isn’t set aside; it’s all around, near, at hand. Inheriting its riches is a matter of stepping into its life-style—re-birth. And Jesus brought the keys. (more…)

A ca. 6 months old Winter White Russian Dwarf ...Jesus didn’t make sense to me until I grasped his view of life, the soul, and salvation. The following was a huge revelation:

  • Life is the whole life, a single continuum from conception through physical death, extending to the afterlife, then bodily resurrection, and, as Bud Lightyear would say, to infinity and beyond.
  • A soul is the whole person, the self—mind, heart, body/substance, and behavior/relationships. When God saves a soul, He doesn’t save a piece of the person and forget the rest. Even after death, people continue to think, act, and interact with other people and creatures.
  • Ruin is to be broken, dysfunctional. Lost means to be out of place. Both are Death.
  • Salvation is deliverance from Death. It restores the whole person and entire life to compatible place with God and others. It is life lived with Him wherever you are.
  • Forgiveness is to salvation what birth is to living.

Accordingly, the gospel is about new life, about becoming the kind of person Jesus is in mind, spirit, body, and behavior. The good news is that God’s kingdom is here and at hand for any soul who wants to enter that life. Disciple-students of Jesus learn from him how to live in freedom, the power of knowing God, and secure love for one another.

You enter God’s kingdom not by dying or by drifting, but by living—by venturing on Jesus. In a word, you seek. God, of course, wants to be sought and delights in being found. That’s why He doesn’t barge through our doors. He also seeks us and celebrates when we’re found. (more…)

House under constructionWe’ve now reviewed all 6 sinful habits, universal to all people, as Jesus outlined in the Sermon on the Mount (Mat. 5, 6, and 7).

We’ve also reviewed 6 corresponding new habits he taught to make love less difficult and more consistent. The secret to success is his well-defined steps—very specific and narrow.

Because most of us want to be right and good, evil disguises itself as correctness. So, internal evil becomes invisible and we become blind. Personally, I was very reluctant to gouge out habits that I considered righteous. It turns out that I was actually destroying the very goodness I want.

In the remainder of Matthew 7, Jesus summarizes his message with a few final warnings and illustrations.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (vv. 13-14)

This is a re-wording of the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees that Jesus started with, not limited to them, but common to all people of all cultures and time periods. He’s referring to a self-justifying life-style, the “adulterous generation” we still live in. He knows that people need help getting beyond it if they’re to enter God’s kingdom life-style of love, gracious power, and well-being.

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they’re ferocious wolves. You can recognize them by their fruit. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit…Thus, by their fruit you’ll recognize them.” (vv. 15-20)

The faith and action that Jesus invites is easier, smarter, and nothing like the burdens that crowds were used to in his day. It also isn’t like the Christianity I was used to, widely preached in our day. He makes this point early in the Sermon by saying several times, “You’ve heard it said, but I say to you…” (more…)

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