Don't get confused between my personality & my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.This little gem (minus the No symbol) has popped up on my Facebook feed several times lately. Oddly, I’ve only seen it posted by my conservative Christian friends, and it tends to get many Likes. Every time I see it I want to say, “Really? You’re that proud of the hold others have on you?”

So I decided to add the No symbol and explain why I’m not a fan of this “wisdom.” To me, since Christians should know better, it says something about the absence of serious spiritual training in many churches today. We’re taught to keep a single-minded focus on the cross and forgiveness.

We are not taught how to gradually take back freedom from sin’s control over daily living. In fact, a very popular teaching is that it’s impossible to do, which is why you need constant forgiveness. Apparently, it’s the only definition of victory they know.

So, (1) this saying is just a long-standing habit common to man. It’s the old way, the “world’s way,” and nothing has seized us but what’s common to man. Personally, I’d prefer to overcome common habits so they don’t eat me alive or keep me stuck with a snippy, blind, complaining spirit that sees nothing but wrongness everywhere I turn.

Jesus offers better alternatives for our blessedness and well-being, and I want to practice all of them. He assures us that habits can be broken. This is one of them. As Paul observed, it’s a matter of putting off the old self and putting on the new, one habit at a time.

(2) On the surface, I can see how this might make someone feel powerful by putting others on “notice.” It’s a kind of warning with a touch of smug superiority thrown in. “As long as you’re not a jerk, I won’t go off on you.” Conversely, if I go off, you’re the problem, not me.

But in reality, this puts others in control and, effectively, makes me their bitch. Owned.

I doubt that Christians realize how this thinking shoots them in the spiritual foot, keeping them insecure with little sense of power. But when you feel powerless, all you have to rely on is a life-style of little threats, which only bring little (or big) threats in return. Then you wonder where all the blessedness is, perhaps concluding that it only comes after you die.

The great power of Christianity is its offer of steady escape and freedom. When Scripture talks about ransoming slaves, setting captives free, or freedom in Christ, it’s talking about this very sort of thing. It offers divine guidance and modeling, and puts you squarely in control of your attitude and reactions. As we “grab hold” of new, transforming life, it also offers grace when we stumble from time to time over old, dying habits.

(3) Perhaps the greatest mark of well-practiced Christ-followers (to which I aspire) is that their behavior, will, and attitude/spirit/heart have nothing to do with what others do or say. All the NT writers made self-control fairly obvious. And they didn’t have any advantage that we don’t have, including Christ’s personal presence and teaching.

Don’t return insult for insult. Bless those who curse you. Love your enemies, because if you love only your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Let your Yes be yes and your No be no. Etcetera.

That’s power. It simply isn’t vulnerable to the whims of others. So I don’t want people dictating my reactions, thank you very much. Who wants to be dragged all over the place by other people’s randomness?

Advertisements
Fist Fight

Fist Fight (Photo credit: iantmcfarland)

First, we need to clarify the biblical term “enemy.” It doesn’t have to be someone who’s out to destroy you, though it can be.

But more often, it’s simply the rude driver who cuts you off, the co-worker who talks trash behind your back, or the incompetent salesperson who screws up your order. In short, it can be any neighbor, whether a spouse, family member, friend, or stranger.

To put it another way, enemies are born out of a conflict of ideas and expectations. Any person you’re at odds with, no matter how major or minor the issue, is at that moment your opponent, your adversary, your enemy. And you are theirs.

Because we deal with adversarial situations in the course of normal relationships, it’s easy to think that loving enemies is about occasional, dire circumstances, when, in fact, it’s about ordinary, day-to-day living.

Consequently, we don’t realize how often we deal with enemies and thus fail to apply Scriptures about loving them because it just seems irrelevant. We can hardly love enemies if we think we don’t have any.

The Alert

Now the sure-fire way to recognize when you’re facing an enemy is (1.) the presence of anger or irritation, and (2.) thoughts of “idiot,” “scumbag,” or similar terms of contempt (Raca, “you fool”). The mere arrival of these thoughts and feelings isn’t sin, but simply the God-given, human spirit’s way of alerting us to an enemy. The sin is to deliberately feed and retain those thoughts and feelings as habits.

That’s why Jesus links them to physical and spiritual murder (Mat. 5:22) and addresses this before anything else in his Sermon on the Mount. Therefore, as Christians, we should immediately take notice when it happens and consider it an opportunity to seek and find new life, renewal of the mind, the mind of the Spirit, and similar biblical terms of abundant well-being.

His Not-So-Secret “Secret” Way

With this in view, we can now thoughtfully consider the strategy and tactics of Jesus. If, indeed, he’s Counselor and Lord, the Master of life, and the smartest Person to ever walk this Earth, surely he knows a thing or two about what makes relationships tick. The secret is to gain self-control (in step with God’s Spirit) as opposed to handing it over to others.  

1. Don’t engage in endless debates or insist on proving your point. This form of pride is the opposite of love and neutralizes it every time. It’s also exhausting. Instead, you can relax and just let your Yes be yes and No be no (Mat. 5:37) and let neighbors do the same. This is a way of love that doesn’t manipulate others and also doesn’t sucker you into The Enemy’s game, regardless what others do.

2. Lend without expecting anything back, whether it’s money, a power tool, time, or a pair of jeans. The trick here is to lend whatever you can afford, according to what you have, not what you don’t have. So if you can’t afford to lose it today, then don’t lend it. You’ll have plenty of lending opportunities tomorrow and the day after that.

Fewer expectations reduce entitlement mentality. This automatically reduces demand for return, which makes room for a generous spirit to grow. If you adopt this strategy, you’ll find relationships much improved because it’s another way to love enemies (or potential ones).

3. Closely related to entitlement is payback mentality, returning evil for evil or insult for insult. The world lives by a one-good-turn-deserves-another strategy, but it often backfires into angry frustration when that doesn’t happen. James observed that we quarrel and fight because we don’t get what we want (Jas. 4:2).

By contrast, a rich, healthy spirit doesn’t need payback because love doesn’t keep track of wrongs (1Cor. 13:5). So, another way to love enemies is to simply stop keeping score. This reduces the need for willpower to treat people graciously, and empowers a more genuine, cheerful character that can shrug off insults and offense.

We have much more biblical instruction, of course—blessing those who curse you or going the extra mile, to name only two. Jesus doesn’t command the impossible, but instead, eases and lifts the burdens imposed on us by those who honestly don’t know anything better.

So the point is to practice, practice, practice; the purpose is to become rich in spirit like Christ.